The Zen of One-itis

The Zen of Oneitis

What’s the number one issue I get asked about? “There’s this one girl I have a crush on, how do I get her?” If you’re stuck on one girl and searching the PUA forums for the secret trick that will win her over, you’ve got “one-itis,” also known as 1itis. 

What is one-itis?

It’s an obsession with one girl, to the point that you feel you absolutely must win her over. She must be yours. 

The good thing about one-itis

I know it sounds crazy to say, but there is one good thing about one-itis. It’s what draws many people to learn more about how to improve their skills with women. And it frequently leads them to a place where they are creating abundance in their lives rather than obsessing over one woman. 

What’s the cure for one-itis?

Embark on a path that leads you away from neediness and obsession, away from attachment and towards a clearer vision of reality. There are many women in the world. The one that you are obsessing over may be a rare specimen, but what’s more likely true is that you have placed her high on a pedestal. This alone is a turn off to most women, and makes it impossible for you to relate to her as a real person. Instead, you are reacting to and seeking the false image that you’ve created of this person in your own mind. The perfect glowing wonderfulness exists only in your mind. In reality, she is a person who pees and farts and grows old and dies. What you are obsessing over is a veneer, it’s an illusion. 

One of the best ways to stop getting caught in attachment is to be aware of it, and one of the best ways to achieve this is through daily meditation. I’ve already posted about how to do this, and I suggest you read that post. 

But beyond meditation, you need to improve your social skills and specifically your skills with women. You need to realize that by getting outside your head, by being one with the moment, by being present and real, you will achieve far more success with women. 

Abundance

Ask yourself, if I were dating 5 other women right now, would I be as obsessed about this one girl? If the answer is no, then why are you torturing yourself over her. Go date those 5 other women. Or 10 or 20. Or just one for that matter, but one that you really see for who she is, not the object of obsession and attachment.

If the answer is, yes, I’d still want her and only her, no other woman could ever take her place, well I frankly have a hard time believing that, but ok. Let’s say that she’s it. Your soul mate. But she just doesn’t see it for some reason. I can guarantee you that you’ll have a better chance of attracting her if she sees you as successful with women than unsuccessful with women. Why? 

Imagine a bum comes up to you with his hand out, asking for money. Now imagine a well-dressed man comes up to you and tells you a funny joke. One is seeking value, the other offering value. One is approaching because he wants something from you. This is repellant. The other doesn’t want anything at all except to share something of value he already has. This is attractive.

If you already have success with women in your life, and yet you still approach her and talk to her, she knows that you are not doing so from a place of neediness, but from a place of genuine interest in connecting with who she really is. You see something of value in her that represents her reality, not just her boobs. This is very flattering and very attractive to a woman. 

Yeah, but, how do I get this one girl?

Some people are so stuck inside their own attachment and obsession, you can show them the way out and they just won’t see it. They would rather dwell in these strong emotions, never realizing that they are the ones creating them and entrapping themselves within. 

There are many great women out there. There are many great experiences awaiting you. There are specific things you can do to improve your interactions and success with women. For the nuts and bolts of that process, I obviously recommend my book, The Zen of Meeting Women. 

The important thing to remember is, you already have everything you need right now to bring a great woman into your life. But there is a lot of clutter and old habits that need to be swept away first. Embark on that journey and keep moving forward, even when it feels like you’re not making the progress you want. Jump over each hurdle, even if you trip and fall over a few. 

There is a great deal of suffering in this world, but there is a way out of suffering, and part of that is seeing clearly how much of our own suffering is self-created. Obsession and attachment lead to suffering. See them for what they are, learn how to stop spinning in that circle, start moving forward, and you will travel to places you never imagined. You will live a life of freedom and abundance.

Start now