She was just . . . 17

I got a question from a guy dating a 17 year old. She was getting flakey, avoiding meeting with him, then acting interested, then being flakey again. Here was my advice:

She probably has no idea what she wants, or is confused about what she wants, or feels guilty about how society or her friends or family would judge her for what she wants. Add to that the emotional immaturity of a 17 year old (sorry 17 year olds, but I was 17 once too) and you've got a big mess. Although there are a lot of possible explanations for her behavior, in the end it really doesn't matter. She's now controlling the frame and dragging you into her world of emotional turmoil. Your options are to either grab the reigns back or jump off the horse and find another one. In order to do the former, you have to be willing to do the latter. There are a million ways to handle this, but they all involve things you probably don't want to do. A simple text saying "we're done" would certainly push things to A conclusion, but not necessarily the one you want. If she calls crying saying "no no no", you have to lay down your rules, which include no flaking. Set up a meeting to discuss further, and let her know if she flakes, it is truly over.

[You can always get back together in a month. ]

If "we're done" gets a response like, "yeah, I know" or "Ok", well, it was already over. You've just saved yourself months of flakey behavior and emotional bullshit.

1. create options in your life, don't hang your whole world on one girl
2. let her know you value her, but she needs to be cool to stay part of your world. You don't tolerate flakes.

Good luck.