Don't quit!
I recently posted some advice on a popular PUA forum that I thought I would share on my blog as well. Most of us have reached that point where we are so frustrated we're ready to give up on "The Game". The original poster had reached that place. I asked some questions, got his answers and gave some targeted advice:
Ok, let's take these one by one.
1. 19 and a virgin is not a big deal. You need to get out of the mindset that this is some kind of emergency situation you have to take care of this second, because it's going to put you in a needy frame, and women can smell that from a mile away. Now if you were 50 . . .
2. Based on your answer to 4, you need to make losing your virginity a secondary goal. Small chunk the process and focus on the first step towards that goal. Your primary goal for now should be to improve your opening skills. Once you have that handled, your goal should be to improve building rapport, staying out of your mind and in the moment, and letting the conversation flow naturally. You can also work on becoming comfortable with those moments when things seem to stall out. Instead of bailing, ride the wave of tension and turn that into sexual tension. (This is something 60 Years of Challenge talks about, and while I would not build my whole game around it, it's a very powerful tool to use)
3. I like David D a lot. I've studied most of the techniques out there. Ultimately, you have to find one that fits your personality and then put your own spin on it. If you ever watch something like Transformations from Real Social Dynamics, you'll see that each of those guys has their own personality and their own strength in using the "natural" style, even though they all work off the same playbook. Don't try to be David D. Try to be you. It can be very hard for people to realize this sometimes, but the most valuable tool you have is you. You are one of a kind. I know that sounds cliché, but it's absolutely true. Bring out your best self, and add in the PUA tools that feel congruent and that work for you.
4. Leaving the set is a face saving measure. You've done the hard work of opening and getting the conversation going, now you should just let it flow. The only thing interrupting that flow is you getting inside your head. I honestly think you're better off having a boring conversation about nothing, than trying to come up with the best thing to say in that moment. The former shows you are not needy, you aren't trying to impress her, you're just being yourself, talking about normal things. You can be saying, "yeah, I did my laundry today. There were some pretty sketchy people at the laundromat." Who cares. It's better than standing there looking panicked and thinking "ok, what do I talk about now? Should I neg her? Am I being cocky enough?" Once you relax, you can focus on your body language, which is more important than what you're saying anyway. And have a ready arsenal of open ended questions you can ask her. They are more valuable than routines. Something like, "you have a great smile, but there's something sneaky in there. You're not a con artist are you? [She says whatever]. Well, what's the sneakiest thing you ever got away with? [Have a story of your own ready after hers. Something from real life you don't have to memorize. Funny and positive, not something like, "I once killed a man."]"
5. This is the key right here. My advice to everyone on the planet is the same. Meditate. Learn how here: [link]
This will do so much for you I don't even know where to start, but one thing it will definitely do is help you turn off your "monkey mind" and just be in the moment. This is an essential skill of life, not just pickup. This is the most important piece of advice I'm giving you, right here. I know it sounds like I'm trying to sell you a religion or some crap like that. I'm not. Try it.
6. Working out is great, but doesn't give you much to talk about. What are some hobbies or activities you'd like to try? It doesn't matter what it is. Anything can be a road to building your skills and confidence, and becoming a more well rounded and interesting person. I don't care if its stamp collecting. Personally, I love playing guitar and photography, among other things. I didn't start either one to get girls, but they both sure help. And of course, a dance class is always a good idea for any budding PUA. It will make you more aware of how to use your body. Can you think of how that might be useful?
With 5 years of practice, you are already way ahead of most men your age. You have already achieved more than you realize, because you're judging your success by one goal, losing virginity, and ignoring all the success you've had in improving your abilities. Taking a break might be a good idea, but you need to have a game plan for the future. I hope the above helps with that. I've been where you are right now, and I know the frustration. I also know what it took to break free. You can do this, and you will.
Good luck.
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Ok, let's take these one by one.
1. 19 and a virgin is not a big deal. You need to get out of the mindset that this is some kind of emergency situation you have to take care of this second, because it's going to put you in a needy frame, and women can smell that from a mile away. Now if you were 50 . . .
2. Based on your answer to 4, you need to make losing your virginity a secondary goal. Small chunk the process and focus on the first step towards that goal. Your primary goal for now should be to improve your opening skills. Once you have that handled, your goal should be to improve building rapport, staying out of your mind and in the moment, and letting the conversation flow naturally. You can also work on becoming comfortable with those moments when things seem to stall out. Instead of bailing, ride the wave of tension and turn that into sexual tension. (This is something 60 Years of Challenge talks about, and while I would not build my whole game around it, it's a very powerful tool to use)
3. I like David D a lot. I've studied most of the techniques out there. Ultimately, you have to find one that fits your personality and then put your own spin on it. If you ever watch something like Transformations from Real Social Dynamics, you'll see that each of those guys has their own personality and their own strength in using the "natural" style, even though they all work off the same playbook. Don't try to be David D. Try to be you. It can be very hard for people to realize this sometimes, but the most valuable tool you have is you. You are one of a kind. I know that sounds cliché, but it's absolutely true. Bring out your best self, and add in the PUA tools that feel congruent and that work for you.
4. Leaving the set is a face saving measure. You've done the hard work of opening and getting the conversation going, now you should just let it flow. The only thing interrupting that flow is you getting inside your head. I honestly think you're better off having a boring conversation about nothing, than trying to come up with the best thing to say in that moment. The former shows you are not needy, you aren't trying to impress her, you're just being yourself, talking about normal things. You can be saying, "yeah, I did my laundry today. There were some pretty sketchy people at the laundromat." Who cares. It's better than standing there looking panicked and thinking "ok, what do I talk about now? Should I neg her? Am I being cocky enough?" Once you relax, you can focus on your body language, which is more important than what you're saying anyway. And have a ready arsenal of open ended questions you can ask her. They are more valuable than routines. Something like, "you have a great smile, but there's something sneaky in there. You're not a con artist are you? [She says whatever]. Well, what's the sneakiest thing you ever got away with? [Have a story of your own ready after hers. Something from real life you don't have to memorize. Funny and positive, not something like, "I once killed a man."]"
5. This is the key right here. My advice to everyone on the planet is the same. Meditate. Learn how here: [link]
This will do so much for you I don't even know where to start, but one thing it will definitely do is help you turn off your "monkey mind" and just be in the moment. This is an essential skill of life, not just pickup. This is the most important piece of advice I'm giving you, right here. I know it sounds like I'm trying to sell you a religion or some crap like that. I'm not. Try it.
6. Working out is great, but doesn't give you much to talk about. What are some hobbies or activities you'd like to try? It doesn't matter what it is. Anything can be a road to building your skills and confidence, and becoming a more well rounded and interesting person. I don't care if its stamp collecting. Personally, I love playing guitar and photography, among other things. I didn't start either one to get girls, but they both sure help. And of course, a dance class is always a good idea for any budding PUA. It will make you more aware of how to use your body. Can you think of how that might be useful?
With 5 years of practice, you are already way ahead of most men your age. You have already achieved more than you realize, because you're judging your success by one goal, losing virginity, and ignoring all the success you've had in improving your abilities. Taking a break might be a good idea, but you need to have a game plan for the future. I hope the above helps with that. I've been where you are right now, and I know the frustration. I also know what it took to break free. You can do this, and you will.
Good luck.
Labels: advice, meditation, PUA
posted by Max Weiss @ 10:09 AM
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